Just read an article titled “20 things every woman should do before she gets married”. I know it’s lame. I also know i am not that close in getting married. What i know is that i realized i did most of them. Some are great experiences, like traveling, splurging, and learning to cook; yet some are awful things to do, on which i did, which i won’t mention, and which i still regret until now.
There are also things in the list that i haven’t done yet, but somehow i manage myself not to do it, like stuffs involving third party. Well, I am a monogamist, and i think it’s pretty clear that i don’t want to change who I am. Even if i am single, i don’t plan to fool around.
What’s convincing, what i feel there’s still a hope to be better, is that there are few good stuffs in the list that i have been doing right now, like focusing on further education, living abroad, etc. It is calming to know that there’s still goodness in me, that i am not a waste, and that there are lots of lessons that i’ve been learning for a better self.
It turns out living abroad does teach me to stand by myself. It is hard to stand again my feet after i fall while there are no people i love around to help. It is hard to find my own confidence again after i lose it even if my people keep saying that they are just one-click away. So yes, it is something that i can survive.
There is a quote from Lily on HIMYM :
“Ok, yes it’s a mistake. I know it’s a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it’s a mistake but you don’t really know it’s a mistake because the only way to really know it’s a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say ‘yep, that was a mistake.’ So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you’d go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not. And dammit, i’ve made no mistakes! I’ve done all of these: my life, my relationship, my career, mistake-free. Does any of this make sense to you?”
Quoting that doesn’t mean that i make an excuse to make mistakes. No, mistake is a mistake, and i do feel bad about it. It’s just that maybe that is what i need to go through.
So what i found broadening from the article is that maybe there are some experiences in life that i need to go through so that i can learn more and take the benefits out of them as the basis for the life ahead of marriage. It is not about who gets married sooner, it is about who stays and makes it last. Make sure we’re ready for it.